What to Do When a Man Pulls Away

This article offers practical advice and insights on how to handle a partner's emotional withdrawal or distance in a budding relationship. It provides guidance on communication, self-reflection, and maintaining healthy boundaries to help individuals navigate this common challenge and potentially strengthen the relationship.

It happens to the best of us. You think things are going great — this guy is totally into you. He’s texting first, taking you out regularly, and treating you like a queen 👸

Then, all of a sudden, he stops texting back so quickly. He quits planning dates. He seems distracted. Maybe you can’t put your finger on it, but you can feel it. Something is… off 🤔

So, why do men do this? And how should you respond?

Let's get into it! 👌

Why This Happens

First and foremost, it’s important not to panic (🤯) as soon as you sense something has changed between the two of you. Of course, it’s completely normal to feel a little confused by the sudden energy shift.

But the truth is that there are a TON of reasons why a man might pull away from you. Some of them might be about you, but others, not so much.

Here are the most common reasons a man might pull away in a casual dating situation:

1. He’s Going Through Some Stuff

Life gets hectic sometimes for all of us. It’s normal.

But the thing is this: everyone deals with stress differently.

As a woman, you probably talk through your problems with the people closest to you—your best friend, your mom, your sister, or whomever that may be for you. You immediately seek out a strong support system and start trying to process your emotions.

So, if your man is going through something difficult, you would think his first response would be to come and talk to you about it… right?

Wrong ❌

A lot of men typically try to handle their struggles alone. Society has taught us that men are supposed to be tough and strong without showing a lot of emotion, regardless of the situation they may be dealing with.

So, they might not turn to their mother, or their best friend, or their girlfriend for advice. Instead, they might just want some space and time to think things over without distraction.

So if the guy you’re seeing is going through something dramatic in his life, then don’t be surprised if he isn’t texting you back as quickly as before. He might just need some space. And that’s okay.

2. The Chase Is Over

Now, this one might be a little more difficult to hear, but I need you to stick with me.

Even though we like to think of ourselves as a civilization that is highly advanced, modernized, and sophisticated, there are still some biological impulses we can’t seem to escape.

People, in many ways, are like animals. Actually, they’re like carnivores—to be more specific 🦁

The “chase” is biologically embedded in all of us—both men and women.

We enjoy the thrill and challenge that comes with a good chase. And when you stop running, they stop chasing. Or even worse—if you start chasing them, they’ll run in the opposite direction.

A man is typically expected to pursue the woman during the early stages of dating. So when you make him feel like he “caught” you, it’s like he won the race and has nothing left to run for.

Now, this doesn’t necessarily have to do with sex; it could definitely be more of an emotional chase for him. If you are already offering someone you barely know relationship benefits, then you are allowing them too much access, and they have no reason to continue chasing, or pursuing, you.

You should never give another person all your time, energy, and affection too soon in a casual dating situation. Boundaries (which we’ll talk more about later) are not only essential for maintaining your self-esteem, confidence, and self-control, but they also give your potential new partner the opportunity to pursue you, which aligns with a healthy dating dynamic.

3. He’s Not Interested Anymore

Again, this might not be what you want to hear. But, trust me—you need to hear it.

Maybe after dating you for a little while, he realized that you’re not what he’s looking for. You aren’t his cup of tea. And that’s okay. You aren’t for everyone, which is the whole point of dating—to find your cup of tea 🫖

He could be seeing some other people, which is why he’s been less responsive to you. Again, THAT’S OKAY. The two of you are NOT in a relationship yet, so until then, they could be (and frankly should be) seeing and talking to other people. And so should you.

Another reason a man might lose interest early on is because he doesn’t feel like you were giving enough effort. He might feel this way if he constantly texts you first, if he plans all of your dates, or if he is always the one to initiate conversation. Don’t lose sight of the fact that he’s a human too, suffering from the fear of rejection and craving connection with others.

However, there’s no need to reverse roles here and start doing everything in the relationship. At this point, a man should be giving 80%, and you should be giving 20% (more on the 80-20 rule later). If you were showing up during interactions and putting your best foot forward, then don’t worry about it.

Stick to your guns and remember the 80-20 rule, allowing him to give 80%. And if he doesn’t do his part, then let it go and keep it moving 💯

What to Do About It

I know it’s tempting, but don’t sit around and try to decipher the reason why he’s pulling away. You’re wasting your time because you’ll probably never know the answer, and what I’m about to tell you will make you realize the reason doesn’t matter anyway—only your response matters. Your response should be the same. Every. Time.

1. Give Him More Rope

First and foremost, don’t try to call him out for pulling away. Don’t demand an explanation.

Instead, give him more rope and watch what he does with it 🪢

Trying to control a man is only going to make him pull away more, and you’re reinforcing the belief that he’s already “got” you. He’ll realize how much you really care, and you’ll be giving him way too much power over you.

But if you give him space and back off ever so slightly, you’ll be creating an environment where he can be who he truly is and do what he wants to do without you influencing him. Then, all you have to do is sit back and observe, and his actions during this time will tell you everything you need to know about him and where this potential relationship is going.

It might be a challenge but embrace the discomfort that might come from temporarily not knowing what’s going on in his life. Focus on yourself, your friends and family, your hobbies, and even dating other people. Not only is it good for your mental health, but it will also make you seem more attractive to him 💁‍♀️

Your next steps will depend on how he handles this little taste of freedom.

If he comes back, then great. What you don’t want to do at this point is reward him. If you make yourself just as available as before, then you are encouraging this bad behavior and sending the message that pulling away is okay. And it’s not.

Instead, let him re-earn your priority again. Don’t text him back right away. Don’t cancel plans because he invites you out. Let your absence be felt 😶‍🌫️ and make him realize that if he wants to be your priority and continue having access to you, then he needs to show you consistent effort.

2. Set Your Boundaries (and Stick to Them!)

It’s always important to set your boundaries during the early stages of dating to avoid building a premature strong emotional bond while you are still just getting to know each other.

Boundaries will protect you from yourself (as long as you stick to them) by forcing you to limit the amount of access you give to other people. Allowing someone unlimited access to you when you barely know them is a recipe for disappointment. You should not be giving relationship benefits to people you are not in a relationship with.

Instead, take the time to get to know them, and give them some time to get to know you before you dive in head first, giving them all your time and attention. Not having boundaries will make it nearly impossible to give him more rope if you need to.

The 80-20 rule is a great place to start. Allow him to give 80%, while you aim to give 20%. What this means is that you can and should plan some dates or initiate conversations occasionally without overdoing it, but he is doing the majority of the work in terms of pursuing each other early on.

In other words, show some interest and effort without doing most of the work. Enabling him to do more of the “chasing” is actually a healthy dating dynamic, and it allows you to get to know new people without devoting too much of your time and energy towards someone you barely know.

✅ If you aren’t sure how to set boundaries, then I have a course that will help you. My “Dating 101” course covers everything from how to set boundaries in a new relationship to how to communicate your needs to other people.

3. Cut the Rope

If you give him more rope and he doesn’t come back, then cut the rope ✂️

Ladies, I can’t emphasize this enough. When someone shows you who they are through their actions, believe them the first time.

When you give him space, he will show his true colors. Watch what he does and take it as is. Do not give him multiple chances. Once you realize he’s not taking you seriously, let him go and keep it moving.

If you want to be a strong, confident woman with a full life, then you choose your partners instead of waiting or hoping for someone to pick you. You are in control of your emotions, and you take your time, gradually allowing romantic partners into your life and only giving them more as they earn it.

Once you embrace this energy, you can focus on yourself, your life, your friends, your hobbies, your career, or other men. Do it for yourself, not for him.

Wrap Up & Next Steps

So, today we learned that:

✅ Men pull away for different reasons. Maybe he’s dealing with something in his life, or he’s seeing some other people. It’s also possible that he’s just not that into you.

✅ Regardless of the reason, your response should be the same—give him more rope. When you give a guy more rope, you’ll get to see his true colors. How he responds will determine your next steps.

✅ Don’t encourage bad behavior and cut the rope if you need to. Set your boundaries and stick to them. If he comes back, make him earn his way back into your life. And don’t be afraid to cut the rope if you need to. Remember, you choose your partners.

Most importantly, put yourself first. Take control over your own life and your own decisions. Set firm boundaries and stick to them, regardless of how someone makes you feel in the moment. And if you need more dating tips, check out the below:

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